A private-gone-public letter about night visions

I spent part of the night awake last night during which hours I was writing a letter to Georgia in my head telling her about some recent dreams (not sure if this filled the time being awake or kept me awake).

Dear fig,

The night before last I had some interesting "adventures in slumberland". In the first Martin was trying to fill my womb with seeds--not in the biblical sense, but literally trying to stuff my body with vegetable seeds and spring bulbs. (Possibly a hold over from spending a morning recently tucking in hundreds of bulbs in the new back beds?) My flesh and blood was to harbor the garden crop and I kept trying to convince him (Martin) that we should just build a 4’x4’ square box to plant some in because my body would never hold it all. Fertility must have been on the brain because we were also living in an old run-down house that had feral cats and dogs reproducing on the dilapidated back porch. Our neighbors were ready to report us so we were trying to round up the 18 feral kittens and umpteen puppies to take to the animal shelter. If I had really started sprouting carrots, I wonder who they would have reported us to?

The other dream I remember from that night featured a coffee-table book on Gruyere. Like the Gruyere bible except I think it’s title was “The Book of Gruyere” or something similar with mouth-watering photos and delicious recipes, info, etc. for cooking with the yummy cheese. If something like this really exists (which wouldn't surprise me), I'd like to consult it right about now.

So much for my curry dreams (thank you Tandoori Oven). I also had a dream several weeks ago that church turned into a schmaltzy pop-rock and dance affair with a bazaar immediately following in which you could shop for Halloween products 75% off. I woke deeply offended and laughing at the craziness of it all.

Why am I telling you this? No reason in particular I guess except knowing that you generally enjoy REM exploits and incongruous images.

In other news I went to see New Moon, midnight showing (yikes! yes, I was one of those). There is something about immersing yourself in a phenomenon--it lets you see paunchy men sporting unbuttoned shirts and bathed in glitter for example. You can also be privvy to a crowded house gasping in unison when a hunkahunkaburnin'love bares his chest on screen. If you're lucky (or unlucky as the case may be) you can also eat fried cheesecake, some lava chocolate gooeyness that will be sure to keep you alert for a good few more hours and caffeine in company. And you might be haunted for a few days afterwards. Maybe.

It's about time for me to catch tonight's train to Slumberland. Hope I see you there,

B

Happy Belated Anniversary

Dear Blog,

I somehow passed over our 5th anniversary in the middle of the spook month. This is just to say thanks for what you've given me and encouraged by way of growth. Even in that nascent first year you changed the way I started to approach academic papers--fueled by the discovery that I like writing for its own sake and inspired by Joan Wink to be more real (always scary stuff). Those fledgling attempts may not have been successful but at least they were a step in the right direction for me.

I know our relationship is a little bit complicated but last night I got lost wandering in old posts and you know what? I'm happy to read the details of days gone by. Sure I cringe sometimes but mostly it makes me anxious to record other particulars before they are lost in my unreliable memory.

I'm grateful that you've enabled me to feel a little more connected to people I love far away.

Mostly, I'm glad for one more avenue to play with words and ideas--one that allows for almost instant feedback too (also sometimes scary stuff). Recently, I've started to play with words in a new way and I like to think it is partly because I have an inconsistent habit of checking in here. Do you want to see what I've been up to? Though a little hesitant, I'm attaching a draft about misplaced affection (Martin was relieved when I showed him this to learn it is not about him).

So anyway, thanks. Here's to our tryst,

B


Unleavened Love

your kiss ferments sugar
yeast is supposed to be baked:
the asexual fungus
dying off in the heat
and trapping the bubbles
of its waste in sponge

there is too much sugar
in our affair
this unripe dough needs
to be kneaded
baked in experience
pulled apart

i kissed you goodnight
and the yeasty hiccup
vented in your mouth
foul out of place,
sugar gone bad

Halloween Costumes 2009: Beware, Lots of Photos Included

Eden wanted to be Ms. Frizzle from The Magic School Bus. Unfortunately, Martin didn't get pictures of her by herself before trick or treating so I'm including a shot from the school costume parade:

Soren wanted to Zeus from the Percy Jackson books. I think he looks like a pretty angelic Zeus but I suppose the lightning bolt identifies him as the powerful Olympian:


Daffodil vacillated between one of the 12 dancing princesses and Dorothy and in the end The Wizard of Oz won out:
I had planned for Anna to be Olivia (see below) but she wouldn't tolerate the snout (can you blame her?). In the end we fished around in the costume box for the bee as "bringing home a baby bumblebee" is one of her favorite songs right now.


I decided at the last minute to commandeer Anna's Olivia props to dress up for Mom's Halloween party. So this is my first (and probably last) appearance as miss piggy:

A few weeks ago I found this jester costume at the Utah Food Co-op and had to get it because it was just so random. It's a bit small for me or Martin but Martin was a good sport about wearing it anyway:


My favorite costume this season was Nana's who surprised everyone as guest fortune teller Madam Olympia. June was convinced that this strange woman was not Nana but she is fearless and had no qualms about going into a dimly lit room with Madam Olympia. Sadly half of the cousins couldn't make it to Mom's party; we missed the other little munchkins. Hopefully there will be a repeat celebration next year. I love it when Nana gets into the holiday spirit!

Daffodil's Dresser

$3 garage sale solid pine dresser:

Old finish stripped off, pre-sanding:

I missed taking a picture of the sanding process
but here's the finished product:

p.s., Guess I've got some raking to do....

Happy Birthday Jack-o-lanterns!

Family Fun

Seasonal Texture

Twilight in Autumn

Remember how I said earlier that I was indulging in pulp fiction and wondering about the basis of romantic love? Well you'll never guess the particulars of this diversion: I've been immersed in the Twilight Saga.

I never thought I would read the books being generally a) uninterested in vampire stories and b) distrustful/turned off by the hype. I shared Eden's opinion when she told me she'd "rather read a book on the life cycle of a tick" than pick up Twilight even though her girlfriends were gaga.

So how, you may wonder, did I end up spending the bulk of October in the supernatural? Book group desperation. Sort of. A book group sort of spontaneously emerged at the end of September after a discussion of These Is My Words and the pick for the next read was New Moon in anticipation for the movie release. So I decided to read it, starting at book 1. (And let me tell you, I took some flack for bringing it home....)

So now I've finished the whole series and just watched the first movie yesterday. Here's my take for what it's worth (and I feel like I might as well be talking politics for going public with an opinion on Twilight!):

- If I were rating these stories in Goodreads I would give them 3 stars, "liked it". I have to grudgingly admit to getting sucked into the story. Once I picked it up I found it compelling enough that I sped through it. I have to give Meyers some credit for that. I also think that she wrote pretty good story climaxes (it helps to go into something knowing nothing besides "vampire" and having low expectations).

- My main complaints with the story, why it falls short a star or two, comes back to the basis of romantic love again. I was dissatisfied with the relationship portrayed between Bella and Edward; sure he's beautiful and protective but what else is there? Their relationships lacks substance to me. I'm all for physical attraction but there ought to be something more to it than that. I have to say that part of what kept me going into books 3 and 4 was curiosity about whether Bella's attraction to Edward would change when she became a vampire. Edward says in the first book that it is part of his predatory nature that he would be so appealing to Bella, that everything about him entices her. So when she is no longer prey will she still find him irresistible (and yes, of course, she does). Is their attraction a sort of foil to the werewolves' imprinting? And is saying two people (or person & vampire) are fated a cop-out to the more difficult task of characterizing depth in an evolving relationship?

- Issue 2 is just another aspect of dissatisfaction with the Bella/Edward relationship: it seems unlikely that someone who has been around in the world for 100+ years would fall in love with a 17 year old, even a relatively mature one. Having known a few people with significant age gaps in their partners, a gap of 20+ years can create unique challenges for a relationship let alone 100 years of experience. (An aside re. Bella's maturity specifically shown through her mothering her own mother: I think it is probably particularly attractive to teen readers to have one parent who is in need of parenting and the other parent oblivious.)

- I thought the books got better with #3 probably being the one I liked the most. One of the reasons is there started to be more depth to the relationship or at least a willingness to sacrifice for the other. So this brings me back full circle: what creates depth in a relationship? Sacrifice? Understanding? Communion? Shared thoughts, feelings, values, aspirations, etc.? What would convince me that there is substance as well as passion? I don't have the answers. I'm still thinking about it. What convinces you?

-And yes, I'll be seeing New Moon with the book group. Bring it on.



p.s., I find this and this hilarious.

Strictly Characteristic Frenzied Finale to Family Dinner

Rehearsal for the Ruckus:




Because Scout wanted a birthday party and because we could find a couple of candles and because it was too fun to sing only once:
Happy Unbirthday to Everyone (repeated 3 times):




p.s., You can see a picture of the participants here.

Catching up

I have been in a 2-month+ funk. This particular funk has been characterized by irritability, discouragement, apathy/malaise, escapist behavior (indulging in too many movies, episodes of The Office, pulp fiction), consuming rather than creating, near permanent tears lurking beneath the surface that leap at any opportunity to breech any barrier(s) and flow freely. Sometimes they succeed.

This morning I got outside and down to the parkway. Getting outside and moving my body almost always makes me feel better. I need to burn some oxygen through my body to see (feel?) clearly, my own personal system-cleansing formula. If only I could patent my variation of oxyclean.... There’s a man who always seems to be on the parkway whenever I make it there. It doesn’t matter how far north or south along the river I run, I see him. This morning he had a mustache, guess it’s been a little while.

I’ve been thinking about romantic love lately (see above comment about consuming movies and pulp fiction). What is the basis of it? What communicates love and/or romance to you?

I made a personal breakthrough in some writing efforts this past week. Nothing worth sharing yet but I hope it will be someday.

I slept this afternoon, still trying to nurse my cold. I spent the later afternoon running children to piano, birthday parties, dance, delivering a post-partum dinner. I read picture books to all 4 children after dinner, Eden and Soren leaning in from the edges to enjoy some old favorites.