This is my first-ever laptop-blog experience. I kind of like it....
Today I had to do the dreaded: grocery shopping with the kids. Ugh, it is not too fun. The hour consists of a stream of statements like this:
"Edie, get out from under the cart, I'm going to run over you."
"No, sorry Soren, we aren't getting that."
"What?"
"You have to get this for me; you never get me what I want!"
"Well, we're not getting that this time."
"Eden, sweetheart, get up off the floor."
"Okay, we're almost done. I just have to find one more thing."
"No. Get this kind, this kind's better."
"Can't I please get just one box of coco puffs?"
"No, we're not getting that."
"Come on guys. Let's go."
I don't think that really captures the deflating frustration that all of us feel by the time we're through. I meant to go last night to avoid just such an ordeal but fell asleep on the couch at 8:00 p.m. achy, feverish and cold. When roused, I went to bed instead.
On a brighter note, I finally verbalized the other day a feeling that has been shadowing me this Fall. Arrival is the closest word I can think of. "This is it", "this is my life", feeling happy with my life. I really felt happy with my life for the first time in January 2003. What? you say? Okay, it's true. I can ammend that statement. The other time that I remember being really happy and content was my freshman year of college. Ah, the glory days! That really was a happy time (ironically filled with many a girlfriend heart-to-heart over the woes of the day). And yes, I was happy getting married, etc. It's not that I have been always unhappy (though there are seasons of that too), but the beginning of 2003 was the first time that I owned being a mother. That's what made the difference I think; it's hard to explain. I have another post I drafted a long time ago about that but it is sort of beside the point here. The arrival feeling is more than being happy in my roles and happy with what fills my time. Living in what feels like a real house has a lot to do with it too. This place feels like home in a way that our series of apartments never did. Times I have felt this or things that have contributed to the feeling include: overseeing Eden and Soren do their homework at the table, a fireplace, getting out Christmas decorations (tapping into traditions, especially having so many of our old things back out of storage that help to define the season and Eden & Soren delighting over them as new), hardwood floors and high ceilings, reading out loud, playing with Daffodil in bed in the morning when she first wakes up all happy.
And speaking of traditions, guess what was #1 on Eden's wish list for St.Nikolaus Tag (German tradition that children leave their Christmas wish list in their boots outside the night of December 5th and St. Nikolaus comes and picks up their lists and leaves something behind in the boots)? "Nicer parents."
8 comments:
Becca--what a gem of a post~! i love the "arrival" feeling...it waxes and wanes with me. i think it's on the waning side of my life right now. but maybe not for long? january always brings great promise for me. i love christmas, but come dec 26, i want the new year, new ideas, new feelings, new, new, new....
i think it's hilarious that eden said "nicer parents." that's when you just have to laugh and cry and punch the air. you give them every da** thing, and they want more! (leah hit jon repeatedly tonite because he wouldn't give her her 6th--or 7th--"soy butter" cookie of the day: "dad, i get a cookie, or a movie, or nothing." jon: "nothing. it's time for bed." leah: "no, i get a cookie and a movie. and you get nothing. if you don't give me a cookie right now i'm going to be really mad at you and hit you."
i was just thinking how much i miss dear borg and family and familiarity, and cafe rio. that seals it, rebec. we're coming to utah!
hooray! i was hoping you would decide that!
i love the leah's stipulations, so funny. i had an idea after writing this of something to try for the shopping ordeal. next time i'm going to pull out the stack of cookbooks and have eden and soren browse for several meals they think look good. then they can go through the ingredients and figure out what we need and make the list which they can also be in charge of at the store (i.e., looking at the list and getting the items that we need). this might clear up a little bit of the mystery of why we are getting some things and not others. there will still be the problem of wanting a bunch of other stuff that isn't on the list though so maybe i'll tell them they can each choose one other thing they want that isn't on the list. i'm hoping it will also make them more excited about what i'm cooking for dinner (rather than the standard, "but i don't LIKE _____"). as with most things (teaching chores, etc.), it will take a lot more time and effort this way (and probably cost a little bit more) than if i just did it myself but i think it's worth a try.
wow! i call your new method PURE GENIUS. you go, girl!
I think so too--genius. Keep us posted about how it goes. What was on the top of your list for St. Nickolaus Tag?
WOW...I hope I have that ambition when my kids are driving me nuts at the grocery store. I think I'd be thinking, "Better to leave them at home!" (And such things like, "What in the world was I thinking?")
That's funny that Eden said "nicer parents." Someday she'll realize how amazing you two really are.
Maybe you and Mart could play along with Edie's (ahem) bold request. My mind is whirling with crazy ideas now (and I ought to be sleeping). The one that strikes me as the most fun and the least likely to leave lasting scars is for you and Mart to dress up as Eden's "nicer parents". You could change your style for the day, maybe wear wigs, adopt some new affectations, try out some extreme contrasts, totally run the house differently for a day. Maybe Santa could leave a note in Eden's boots saying that she'll have to spend Christmas Day with her old parents and then try out the new ones on the 26th, and then decide herself which ones she'd like to keep. Perhaps he should also mention that Soren and Daffodil must also be in agreement. If, for some strange reason, they vote for your alter-egos, you could have them come and play house with the kids every once in a great while, just so you and Mart can get away for the day.
Okay, I should have just gone to bed. Still, it's fun to think about!
Maybe this is why I don't have kids yet--they'd need too much therapy as adults! : )
Becca -- I love those moments when I feel completely content with who I am. It doesn't happen too often, but when it does, it just feels awesome. I'm glad that you were able to become completely happy with your situation in life...that is important. I love you and your family so much! That is hilarious what Eden said. She is so funny sometimes!
rebec--
i keep checking your blog for updates. it's weird--the world of blogging has kind of changed me. my communication skills have slackened. i keep thinking, "i hope becca blogs so i can get a glimpse into what's going on..." and then i realize, "well, i could just call her, for goodness sake!" but then i look at my watch and it might be your dinner time, or you're undoubtedly at work or you know...so i just check your blog. maybe i'll have to pick up the phone tomorrow. it's 11:30 here--you're hopefully asleep there and not eating an orange or brushing your teeth (like i'm doing)
adios, fair/far friend
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